


it's spring. (and i'm learning how to grow.) - 2

by spaceshipweather



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Marvel - Freeform, Wandanat, angsty, endgame spoilers, i'll post a reader insert one after, scarletwidow version
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceshipweather/pseuds/spaceshipweather
Summary: “Natasha? It’s 10 in the morning and you made me promise to never let you sleep past 9 so wake up.” Wanda smiled at the sight of her. She was beautiful in the morning light.





	it's spring. (and i'm learning how to grow.) - 2

**Author's Note:**

> natasha’s death broke me and i’m very upset about it, so naturally im turning to writing as a coping skill. hope you guys don’t mind.   
> also this was originally a reader insert so sorry if any of the sentences seem to be awkward. (i'll be uploading that version soon here after this one.)

“I think I knew for awhile. I just didn’t want to accept it. That’s what you do, you know? When you love someone so much you don’t want to let them go. _That’s what you do._ So I guess I’m mourning, except I’ve realized I’d been in mourning for what feels like years now. It’s not easy living like that, but I think it’s better this way. I just hope she’s not in any pain now.”

Wanda sucked in a breath of air as she finished her small speech. It was still difficult to talk about, but she was definitely further along than before.

Support meetings were the only thing Wanda had now. After Natasha died there wasn’t much left for her, although her friend Steve checked in on her periodically. Something Natasha probably told him to do or else she’d have him by the throat. But Wanda was really okay for the time being.

Natasha had been in and out of the hospital for various purposes. She hated every second of it. But as long as Wanda was with her the process was just a little bit easier.

Over time her issues got worse and she became bedridden. The hospital advised her to stay there, that it would be better for her, but she wouldn’t listen. Even as sick as Natasha was, she still had that stubbornness Wanda loved so dearly.

Wanda wasn't surprised when that day finally came, not a bit _(but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt)._  The night before Nat coughed up a little more blood than usual, but she brushed it off. Of course the younger woman was worried, she begged her to go to the hospital. Natasha had none of that though, and instead told her to get her some water.

When Wanda came back her eyes were closed and she panicked slightly before she counted her breaths.  _Good. She was okay._

A sigh slipped through her lips and you reached out to put a blanket on the redhead. She brushed the hair out of her face and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“Good night Natasha.”

Wanda turned out the light and sat in a chair next to the window. The moonlight was bright enough for her to read, so she pulled out her current book and flipped the pages. A few hours later and she ended up falling asleep, the book falling on her chest.

When she woke up Wanda went to go check on her wife.

“Natasha? It’s 10 in the morning and you made me promise to never let you sleep past 9 so wake up.” Wanda smiled at the sight of her. She was beautiful in the morning light.

“I’ll make your favorite?” She offered.

A few seconds passed by and Natasha still didn’t wake up. That’s when Wanda started to realize something was wrong.

“Nat? Come on, wake up. I’m serious this time.” She shook her body in distress, but Natasha made no movement. Her heart sank as she realized that this was the time both of them had been waiting for. A few tears rolled down her face as she made the final call.

Waiting for the ambulance to arrive, Wanda held her hand, making sure to rub her thumb across Natasha's palm. Wanda knew she secretly loved it when she did that.

“You’re okay now. You’re fine, you’re at peace now. Nothing can hurt you anymore.” She whispered to her, not completely ready to let her go, but still knowing she had to.

Wanda watched as the paramedics took her body away on a gurney. The flashing lights blinded her vision as she picked up the keys to the car.

Moments later Wanda was at the hospital. Now it was time to tell Natasha’s old friends, something she wasn't sure she could do on her own. She was so used to having Natasha as a support system that she didn’t know how to function without anyone else. Nonetheless, Wanda pulled out her phone and dialed Steve first. He’d tell the rest of them so she didn’t have to.

-

That was eight months ago. Since then Wanda hadn’t been the same. She visited her grave on a weekly basis and always placed a flower on it. Natasha wasn’t much for flowers, but if she knew it helped her then she would never have a problem with it.

Wanda zoned out the rest of the group, not really caring about anyone else today. That was how grief worked – ups and downs, they’d say. She missed her more today than she had in the past few weeks, but it wasn’t as painful anymore.

When the meeting was over she went to her gravesite. Her yellow flower from last week still remained in the vase, nothing had touched it or blew it away. She were grateful. This time around Wanda hadn’t brought a flower with her; perhaps a sign of progress.

“Hey Nat. Back from another group session. It was kind of boring tonight, we didn’t have anyone new – which I guess is a good thing since, well, you know. But I like hearing their stories…

I know you probably hate seeing me still here because I  _know_  you want me to move on already, and I am. I just missed you today.”

She leaned back and took a deep breath in, letting her surroundings enfold her being. There were so many other gravesites with no one else around, and she had to wonder where everyone was.

 _Did they forget? Do they not want to remember?_  Wanda couldn’t imagine wanting to erase someone from her memory. But then again Natasha was special. She didn’t ever hurt Wanda. She was one of a kind.

Wanda looked back down at her wife and spoke.

“I’m here. You’re not. There will be times where that’s unbearable for me. I’ll have good days and bad days, just like everyone else, but in the end I  _am_  okay Natasha. I  _will_  be okay, I have to be. I’m at peace with that. And I hope you are too.”

She walked away with a lighter feeling in her heart. 

_I’m okay._


End file.
